And we be a-changin’ with the sty!
Our competent linguists leave no phrase unturned!
Kevin Lossner … Aug 18, 2024
Dear resource,
We are writing to advise you that thepigturd is amending its payment model for our trashlators to bring the company into line with other linguistic sausage producers extruding what is required to service our government and corporate clientele. These rape rate adjustments are necessary in response to how these organisations operate, which has exerted downward pressure on our obscene margins. Coupled with an increased cost of sales and cocaine, and a significantly extended sales plunder cycle, margins have eroded to the point where the rates we currently pay are in conflict with our CEO’s need for a more competitive compensation package and an upgrade to his private jet.
I would like to explain our efforts as a global provider of state-of-the-art HITL trashlation, locosation and interpreting solutions in over 250,000 languages to forge bonds for you as one of those little cogs in a wheel of 400,000 cunning linguists in more than 700 countries who slave for us every month at the wordface.
At present, thepigturd employs a revolving cast of sales characters worldwide who, as a group take many trips each month, scouring the astral plane with their full intelligence to create artificial opportunities to train our post-editing algorithms so we can justify the next round of best rates. These martyrs to the Cause spend many a night far from home and family, working the conference circuit and suffering liver and septum damage with only a lap dance and another round for comfort at those lonely business functions. We employ further specialists selected for their experience in hair styling and pizza delivery to recruit, interview and impose unpaid tests on you suckers to maintain our celebrated standards of sausage service. Moreover, we maintain a staff of 600 special agents in our 12 global offices to monitor our global wordforce and ensure no communication between end customers and yourselves. Today’s market competition also compels us to keep over three score staff for technology innovation to improve internal efficiency and screw down costs to provide all our executives with state-of-the-art company transport modalities and other perks they deserve, and that you need to represent your servitude to our world.
However, having said all of this, never before has our industry experienced such huge downward bowel pressure from both the private and public sector to reduce prices. It’s even worse than last year when we were compelled to send you that year’s rate adjustment notice. And the year before that. And the prior year. This is simply a reaction to the state of the world economy and the fact that our CEO cannot show his face in public without shame as long as his compensation is so far below that of his peer in charge of Tesla. At thepigturd we endeavour to keep our rates at the highest level possible whilst keeping your compensation in line, but as long as we continue to pay you, your rates will further impact the company’s profitability and the job satisfaction of those who live off your efforts. Therefore, with effect from Thursday 22nd August, thepigturd will reverse our payment model in the hopes that profits can remain at record levels, and our representatives can travel in style as they seek new post-editing challenges for you to achieve the professional exposure you crave. Your payments per word assigned will be calculated without match discounts (so many of you complained about these, and we listened!) and will be gratefully received by us on net 10 days terms. Failure to pay on time may result in us being compelled to take your firstborn and/or favorite pet as collateral until settlement.
These rate changes are not retrospective but will apply to any new work received from Thursday 22nd August 2024, though reductions in current projects as voluntary contributions to executive relief fund at thepigturd will be given due consideration in the priority assignment of future projects.
